Wow - I can't believe it's been 10 days since my last post. Sorry!
It's been a crazy ten days, the hardest of which was this past Monday, when our youngest "at home kid", my daughter, flew from the nest on an airplane headed to Army Basic Training in Missouri.
It took me a couple of days to find my head after that.
This morning, I woke up feeling strong, and took a look around, and realized that this Wife wasn't Leading the Marriage all that much. I had to take a break - and as a result, my sub hubby lost his focus. I know that I am just as much to blame, but REALLY? When life is hard for me, I'd like to know that I can rely on him to keep things going when I'm too busy to babysit.
I guess that's where the training is going to come in, right?
Today, I told him ENOUGH. This was after I'd already decided I wanted to get back in the saddle, but I was going to be nice, and help him catch up on his chores so he could start fresh. One of his chores is to make sure that the dishwasher is empty every morning before he leaves for work, so that I can put my dishes in it as I go about my day. I noticed that it was full with the dishes I'd washed the day before (again with the helping), and I put them away. Well, I got about halfway through putting them away before I realized he'd added dirty dishes to my clean ones. Apparently that was the final straw for me. LOL
So, I sent him a message and asked him if he wanted to pick up where we left off with the WLM thing, and he said, quite quickly, "YES".
So I reminded him were we left off. I owed him a reward for making our anniversary one to remember - a reward that he's already picked, we just haven't done (a trip to the adult motel). Also, we'd discussed a reward of release for him, if my daughter's send-off party went off without a hitch. It was a good party, but our A/C was out, and instead of taking the initiative of contacting our neighbor (who repairs A/C systems) for me, he just let it be, and of course, our guests were not happy, as it was about 85 degrees in our house. But, at the same time, we'd put the D/s life in the back seat (or was it the garage??), so I was torn on if he should get his reward by default, or not.
So, instead of stressing out about it, I've decided to let Fate decide. I follow a blog by Lazy Domme (http://lazydomme.blogspot.com/) and one of her posts talked about letting Fate decide on his release - by marbles in a bag, or dice, or other ways were I really don't have to bother with deciding.
So... now that it's just the 2 of us in the house, there's really nothing keeping me from tying him to the bed (or whatever) and using his body for my entertainment, and at some point, "flipping a coin" or whatever, to let Fate decide if he is allowed a release or not. I hope I have time for this play tonight, as I'm so stressed from waiting for my daughter to call me from Basic Training that I really need some stress relieve and a distraction!
I told him that his chances could be increased, if he put a post on his blog (http://theadventuresofsubboy.blogspot.com/) that would convince me that he really does want to continue this WLM arrangement, and if it was good, he'd have more of a chance for orgasming when it's time. PLEASE - go read his blog post - I personally thought it was very moving!
Wife is pleased. :)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Busy weekend
Wow what a busy weekend! I'd assigned all these punishments for SubBoy, completing forgetting what we had planned for the weekend. Friday night we had to go way south after work to pick up our race packets for the 10k race that we ran on Sunday, then we had to drive way West to pick up his son who we had for the next 24 hours, then North to pick up the daughter, then further North to go to dinner (it was the son & daughter's last dinner together before the daughter ships off to military boot camp), then home to watch a rented DVD, then off to bed. The next morning, Saturday, was just as busy. We went out breakfast, then home while SubBoy did his punishment chore of cleaning the closet, and finished the bathroom that got him that punishment in the first place, while I took a nap from not sleeping well the night before. Then my daughter and I raced off to my son's fiance's bridal shower, while SubBoy took his son home, then after I got back from the bridal shower, we all headed out of town to the hotel we'd stay at for the race the next morning. The race was great - my daughter and I ran together on a mother/daughter team and we took 2nd place! What a great "last race" before she leaves the next. I will remember that forever! Then back home just in time for a friend of ours (who's privy to our lifestyle)to come over, but my daughter wouldn't leave the house (not like I was going to make her or anything), so there was no Play Time, just visiting, which was fine with me, as I was BEAT from the weekend.
So - we still have the corner time outstanding, and the leg humping didn't 100% get adhered to, but we had fun fitting it in where we could. I honestly think that once he got past the humiliation of it, he realized it was actually a little fun. <3
I suspect this week there won't be a lot of Play Time, since our focus is likely to be 100% on our daughter, in her last days at home before she's "officially" on her own... *sigh*
I did have some fun this morning reminding my hubby who's in control though, as he was getting ready to walk out the door for work, I unzipped him and pulled my cock out of his pants, and stroked him until he was hard, then put it away and told him to go to work. It's not much, but I think it served it's purpose.
Hope everybody has a great day!
So - we still have the corner time outstanding, and the leg humping didn't 100% get adhered to, but we had fun fitting it in where we could. I honestly think that once he got past the humiliation of it, he realized it was actually a little fun. <3
I suspect this week there won't be a lot of Play Time, since our focus is likely to be 100% on our daughter, in her last days at home before she's "officially" on her own... *sigh*
I did have some fun this morning reminding my hubby who's in control though, as he was getting ready to walk out the door for work, I unzipped him and pulled my cock out of his pants, and stroked him until he was hard, then put it away and told him to go to work. It's not much, but I think it served it's purpose.
Hope everybody has a great day!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Punishments
Being the person that I am, punishments are quite important to me. I've learned, though, that it can be a problem if not done correctly.
In the WLM, when your sub hubby is a kinky one, how do you REALLY define punishment? When we first started out, I asked my hubby for some ideas. He came up with things like spanking, bondage, etc. Well, shit - these are REWARDS in his book, really...
Punishment should act as a deterrent for undesirable behavior, not as a reward.
I think it is important, though, that the punishment "fits the crime" so to speak. Meaning, the punishment needs to reinforce that the undesirable behavior is unacceptable.
Along that line of thinking, it would seem that my sub hubby has some punishments coming. Yesterday was not his best day.
I asked him to get a birthday card & gift card for my son. He didn't.
I asked him to stop at the ATM to pick up some cash. He didn't.
He also stopped doing that "one special thing" for me each day.
AND, he never returned to the guest bathroom to finish his cleaning project.
So.... here are his punishments:
Since he couldn't take the time to run the errands I asked, he can "take that time" in the corner instead. I based his corner time off of how much time I would expect each errand to take: 5 min for the ATM, 10 min for the bday card, and 15 min to get the gift card. 30 minutes, naked & collared, in the corner. Since he's not used to standing still like that, I'll break it up for him. This time.
For not finishing the bathroom in the given timeframe, he will, after he completes
the bathroom, do a "punishment project" for me over the weekend, and clean out the front closet, and re-organize it for me.
For ignoring me, he will do a few things. For one, he will take me shopping, and pick out an outfit that he thinks is very sexy on me, and buy it for me. He will also pick out a toenail polish that he thinks would be sexy on my feet. Also, since this, added to the lack of libido, has left me feeling undesired, he will show his desire for me, each night and morning from tonight through Sunday night, by rubbing himself on my leg (no hands) to get erect simply from the feel of my thigh on his cock & balls.
I may allow him to hump my leg for a while as well. (I'm also using this to try and help stimulate the whole "I am horny for my Wife" thing!). And, for "extra credit", he's allowed to rub against me or brush against me in public, for sexual arousal. Clothed, of course. LOL!
I tried to make the last one fun, because I think that "training" him to want me should be fun, and not a chore.
Wish me luck.
<3
In the WLM, when your sub hubby is a kinky one, how do you REALLY define punishment? When we first started out, I asked my hubby for some ideas. He came up with things like spanking, bondage, etc. Well, shit - these are REWARDS in his book, really...
Punishment should act as a deterrent for undesirable behavior, not as a reward.
I think it is important, though, that the punishment "fits the crime" so to speak. Meaning, the punishment needs to reinforce that the undesirable behavior is unacceptable.
Along that line of thinking, it would seem that my sub hubby has some punishments coming. Yesterday was not his best day.
I asked him to get a birthday card & gift card for my son. He didn't.
I asked him to stop at the ATM to pick up some cash. He didn't.
He also stopped doing that "one special thing" for me each day.
AND, he never returned to the guest bathroom to finish his cleaning project.
So.... here are his punishments:
the bathroom, do a "punishment project" for me over the weekend, and clean out the front closet, and re-organize it for me.
For ignoring me, he will do a few things. For one, he will take me shopping, and pick out an outfit that he thinks is very sexy on me, and buy it for me. He will also pick out a toenail polish that he thinks would be sexy on my feet. Also, since this, added to the lack of libido, has left me feeling undesired, he will show his desire for me, each night and morning from tonight through Sunday night, by rubbing himself on my leg (no hands) to get erect simply from the feel of my thigh on his cock & balls.
I may allow him to hump my leg for a while as well. (I'm also using this to try and help stimulate the whole "I am horny for my Wife" thing!). And, for "extra credit", he's allowed to rub against me or brush against me in public, for sexual arousal. Clothed, of course. LOL!
I tried to make the last one fun, because I think that "training" him to want me should be fun, and not a chore.
Wish me luck.
<3
It's not fun when you force it - well, not always, anyway
So, last night was a quiet night. I wasn't feeling well from some Dr. appts I'd had in the afternoon, SubBoy had a very long day at work, and our daughter had a rough day emotionally as well. So, we did something we usually don't do, and we (1) rented a movie in the middle of the week and (2) ordered Chinese food. 
I discovered that Chinese food is no longer the "treat" it used to be for me, now that I've lost 70 pounds! LOL I craved a fresh Subway sandwich even more after eating that greasy assault on my tastebuds.
Anyways... a few things to write about today. As usual, a lot for me to say. LOL
One thing is that I got to thinking last night & this morning about how I am feeling all this "pressure"
to sexually stimulate SubBoy, and how it's actually becoming a source of stress in our relationship already. It occurred to me that since our relationship has been very "non-sexual" for years, that trying to turn it into a relationship with daily sexual activity is a big part of where that stress is coming from.
Before we decided to try a WLM, we would have sex maybe once a month,
a time frame that was mostly OK with us both (him more than me). So to suddenly change from a very low-key sexual focus to it being our MAIN focus doesn't really feel natural for either of us.
The other thing that's worth talking about here, is that yesterday I told him I wanted to try something a little different. That in the mornings, during our usual "snooze the alarm and spoon up & snuggle" session, that he should grind me from behind a little bit, just to see if we could get the sexual urges going. Of course, when you're half asleep, this isn't a high-energy activity, I found out. LOL We spooned as usual,
and he did what I asked, and fell asleep quite promptly. As did I. But OH the dreams I had were AMAZING. I told him, "Damn, I fucked the shit out of you this morning while we slept." LOL I think that experiment is a keeper for me. :)
So, back to point #1 - I told him this morning that I think OUR definition of 24/7 WLM is obviously going to be a little bit different, and that I think we should stop trying to FORCE the sexual aspect of it, and let it happen as it will for us, naturally. I suspect that by taking the pressure off, and getting used to the new way of things, that the frequency of the sexual contact will increase, as will his libido. But "taking it slow" really should mean in that aspect too.
I feel like I'm not being a great leader right now because I keep changing direction, and quickly. I don't feel like I'm being very consistent.
I do think that some "punishment" will be in order the next time we have some child-free time at home, though. SOMEBODY hasn't been living up to expectations lately. he hasn't done any work on that bathroom since that first day, for one. Today he tells me he'll do it tomorrow. Well, that wasn't the deal. Also, he was supposed to stop at the bank yesterday and pull out some money for our daughter's activities today, and he was supposed to stop and get a gift card and a birthday card for our son who's birthday is coming up this weekend. That too, did not happen. Also, it's been days since he's fulfilled his obligation to "do one extra unexpected thing for my Wife each day"
I think he's getting a little overwhelmed, but even with all the changes that we've had, these things are not part of those changing expectations, and I think that he thinks that it's all okay, that "he forgot". I think this is the part where I step up, and show him that we're doing things a little differently this go-around. There will be consequences, even if he gets his shit together today. I just need to figure out what they are. :)
<3
I discovered that Chinese food is no longer the "treat" it used to be for me, now that I've lost 70 pounds! LOL I craved a fresh Subway sandwich even more after eating that greasy assault on my tastebuds.
Anyways... a few things to write about today. As usual, a lot for me to say. LOL
One thing is that I got to thinking last night & this morning about how I am feeling all this "pressure"
to sexually stimulate SubBoy, and how it's actually becoming a source of stress in our relationship already. It occurred to me that since our relationship has been very "non-sexual" for years, that trying to turn it into a relationship with daily sexual activity is a big part of where that stress is coming from.
Before we decided to try a WLM, we would have sex maybe once a month,
a time frame that was mostly OK with us both (him more than me). So to suddenly change from a very low-key sexual focus to it being our MAIN focus doesn't really feel natural for either of us.
The other thing that's worth talking about here, is that yesterday I told him I wanted to try something a little different. That in the mornings, during our usual "snooze the alarm and spoon up & snuggle" session, that he should grind me from behind a little bit, just to see if we could get the sexual urges going. Of course, when you're half asleep, this isn't a high-energy activity, I found out. LOL We spooned as usual,
and he did what I asked, and fell asleep quite promptly. As did I. But OH the dreams I had were AMAZING. I told him, "Damn, I fucked the shit out of you this morning while we slept." LOL I think that experiment is a keeper for me. :)
So, back to point #1 - I told him this morning that I think OUR definition of 24/7 WLM is obviously going to be a little bit different, and that I think we should stop trying to FORCE the sexual aspect of it, and let it happen as it will for us, naturally. I suspect that by taking the pressure off, and getting used to the new way of things, that the frequency of the sexual contact will increase, as will his libido. But "taking it slow" really should mean in that aspect too.
I feel like I'm not being a great leader right now because I keep changing direction, and quickly. I don't feel like I'm being very consistent.
I do think that some "punishment" will be in order the next time we have some child-free time at home, though. SOMEBODY hasn't been living up to expectations lately. he hasn't done any work on that bathroom since that first day, for one. Today he tells me he'll do it tomorrow. Well, that wasn't the deal. Also, he was supposed to stop at the bank yesterday and pull out some money for our daughter's activities today, and he was supposed to stop and get a gift card and a birthday card for our son who's birthday is coming up this weekend. That too, did not happen. Also, it's been days since he's fulfilled his obligation to "do one extra unexpected thing for my Wife each day"
I think he's getting a little overwhelmed, but even with all the changes that we've had, these things are not part of those changing expectations, and I think that he thinks that it's all okay, that "he forgot". I think this is the part where I step up, and show him that we're doing things a little differently this go-around. There will be consequences, even if he gets his shit together today. I just need to figure out what they are. :)
<3
Thursday, July 14, 2011
A loving relationship
SubBoy and I have what I like to think of as a very unique relationship. Over the years, we've naturally fallen into a Wife-Led-Marriage by default, only without the label and the overt submission/Dominance.
Not only have I been the leader in the relationship, I've also been the authoritarian, the therapist, the best friend, the fuck-buddy, the wounded wife, the head of household, the role-player, the submissive, the badass biker, the shy housewife, the mom, and so many other hats that I've worn at various times over the last decade.
I absolutely love that I have found a freak, MY freak, who accepts and embraces all these different facets of my personality, and who is just as much of a freak as I am. He might add that he thinks he's more of a freak, but I don't know - how do you measure that?? I love that my husband is a freak too, has many different aspects to his personality. I think it helps us to understand each other and connect on a level deeper than I ever thought was possible.
Overall, though, I have always felt that my role with him, above all else, is more like a handler than anything else. I don't mean this in a bad way, I just mean that I feel a level of responsibility for him, to keep him safe, sane, and on the right track, as well as happy, loved, and interested. My hubby is a very impressionable person. I've learned this the hard way. Outside influences can have, and have had in the past, a direct, profound impact on our relationship. If somebody tells him he feels a certain way or wants a certain thing, the seed is planted, and after a time, he often will come to psuedo-believe it himself. I call it psuedo-believing, because it's more like a temporary thing when it happens this way, and underneath, the REAL DEAL is in there hiding somewhere, and will eventually come out.
A part of me feels like I owe it to him to help him with figuring out who he is in the inside, who he wants to be, and to get comfortable with that. I know he's submissive. That much we have clearly defined. But he's also a MAN, and I think he needs to feel like one at the same time. He doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself, which I think has led to a lot of the issues around how he's shown his submission. All too often, when he is intentionally being submissive, he starts to see himself as "unworthy" or "less deserving" of his own happiness. I think this eats away at his confidence, and he begins to feel ashamed of who he is. And, I think THIS might be where the reluctance and low sex drive kicks in. The same phenomenon happens with his bisexuality as well. He's attracted to other men, and likes to play, but when he does, or when he's feeling these feelings, the shame kicks in again, and it's almost like he feels like he's less of a man because of it. Sometimes the urges outweigh the negative stuff, and we play (we have a guy in our lives that we trust and enjoy from time to time), but then after, he plummets down into this "I'm such a loser" mindset, that it takes a VERY long time to get out of it. This negative association now has him questioning his bisexuality altogether, although I can see it very clearly in him. We are having our "friend" over this weekend, but he's already starting to psyche himself out, and even said last night, "I'll probably chicken out again."
I really feel that if he and I can get his confidence up, while he's being submissive, that his sex drive will kick in. I know it's there, but there's some sort of negative message he's feeding himself that's like a libido-blocker! I think this, because that is where we start every time we dabble in a D/s lifestyle. He's GUNG HO, and ready to please, with almost a constant erection, chomping at the bit. This is how I like him!! But then, as time goes on, he becomes less confident, afraid of how things might turn out, worried about who he will become, how others will view him, his ability to please me, which then begins a downward spiral that ends with us pulling the plug on the lifestyle. But we keep coming back for more, so it's obvious it's something we both want.
I know he trusts me not to abuse the "power" he's given me. I know he knows I respect him. I don't know why he does this to himself every time, but I want to help, stop the pattern, and help him get to a place where he can enjoy this lifestyle he craves.
So how do I stop this downward spiral before it begins? As a man with submissive tendencies, how do you retain your dignity, your confidence, your "manliness" and reconcile these opposing traits? What does your Wife do to help reinforce your confidence levels, beyond making sure that you know you are loved and cherished? How do you stop the insecurities and doubt, and embrace your inner freak?
Not only have I been the leader in the relationship, I've also been the authoritarian, the therapist, the best friend, the fuck-buddy, the wounded wife, the head of household, the role-player, the submissive, the badass biker, the shy housewife, the mom, and so many other hats that I've worn at various times over the last decade.
I absolutely love that I have found a freak, MY freak, who accepts and embraces all these different facets of my personality, and who is just as much of a freak as I am. He might add that he thinks he's more of a freak, but I don't know - how do you measure that?? I love that my husband is a freak too, has many different aspects to his personality. I think it helps us to understand each other and connect on a level deeper than I ever thought was possible.
Overall, though, I have always felt that my role with him, above all else, is more like a handler than anything else. I don't mean this in a bad way, I just mean that I feel a level of responsibility for him, to keep him safe, sane, and on the right track, as well as happy, loved, and interested. My hubby is a very impressionable person. I've learned this the hard way. Outside influences can have, and have had in the past, a direct, profound impact on our relationship. If somebody tells him he feels a certain way or wants a certain thing, the seed is planted, and after a time, he often will come to psuedo-believe it himself. I call it psuedo-believing, because it's more like a temporary thing when it happens this way, and underneath, the REAL DEAL is in there hiding somewhere, and will eventually come out.
A part of me feels like I owe it to him to help him with figuring out who he is in the inside, who he wants to be, and to get comfortable with that. I know he's submissive. That much we have clearly defined. But he's also a MAN, and I think he needs to feel like one at the same time. He doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself, which I think has led to a lot of the issues around how he's shown his submission. All too often, when he is intentionally being submissive, he starts to see himself as "unworthy" or "less deserving" of his own happiness. I think this eats away at his confidence, and he begins to feel ashamed of who he is. And, I think THIS might be where the reluctance and low sex drive kicks in. The same phenomenon happens with his bisexuality as well. He's attracted to other men, and likes to play, but when he does, or when he's feeling these feelings, the shame kicks in again, and it's almost like he feels like he's less of a man because of it. Sometimes the urges outweigh the negative stuff, and we play (we have a guy in our lives that we trust and enjoy from time to time), but then after, he plummets down into this "I'm such a loser" mindset, that it takes a VERY long time to get out of it. This negative association now has him questioning his bisexuality altogether, although I can see it very clearly in him. We are having our "friend" over this weekend, but he's already starting to psyche himself out, and even said last night, "I'll probably chicken out again."
I really feel that if he and I can get his confidence up, while he's being submissive, that his sex drive will kick in. I know it's there, but there's some sort of negative message he's feeding himself that's like a libido-blocker! I think this, because that is where we start every time we dabble in a D/s lifestyle. He's GUNG HO, and ready to please, with almost a constant erection, chomping at the bit. This is how I like him!! But then, as time goes on, he becomes less confident, afraid of how things might turn out, worried about who he will become, how others will view him, his ability to please me, which then begins a downward spiral that ends with us pulling the plug on the lifestyle. But we keep coming back for more, so it's obvious it's something we both want.
I know he trusts me not to abuse the "power" he's given me. I know he knows I respect him. I don't know why he does this to himself every time, but I want to help, stop the pattern, and help him get to a place where he can enjoy this lifestyle he craves.
So how do I stop this downward spiral before it begins? As a man with submissive tendencies, how do you retain your dignity, your confidence, your "manliness" and reconcile these opposing traits? What does your Wife do to help reinforce your confidence levels, beyond making sure that you know you are loved and cherished? How do you stop the insecurities and doubt, and embrace your inner freak?
My sub hub needs some company
To all those subs out there that have been following my blog, I wanted to share with you my hubby's blog as well. He's only posted once, and he's not sure about the whole "blogging my feelings thing" but he needs some followers, so if you're interested (and if you're allowed), here's the link:
http://theadventuresofsubboy.blogspot.com/
http://theadventuresofsubboy.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
And the beat goes on...
Yesterday felt like an "off" day. It was one of those days where I wonder if this WLM thing is really what he wants. My sub hubby was grumpy, likely from lack of sleep and from his work, and I could tell he really didn't want to be doing his chores & other things I'd asked of him. But he did it.
We're getting the house ready for an all-day "open house" party for our daughter the day before she leaves for the military. The only problem is, our house is embarrassingly dirty. We have a tendency to be very cluttered in general, but the last 2 months have been frantically busy and this place is TRASHED, and there's just no way I can let company in my house like this.
So one of the tasks I've assigned my sub hubby is to get the guest bathroom "Martha Stewart" clean by the end of the day on Friday. So last night, he goes into that bathroom for about 20 minutes, and comes out announcing "The bathroom is done." Yea right. I don't THINK so. That bathroom hasn't been deep cleaned in like a freakin year, there's no way he got it where it needs to be in 20 minutes. So I go and look - he wiped down the toilet and the sink, and emptied the trash. There's still clutter on the counter, on the shelf by the toilet where magazines have been piling up, a picture that fell off the wall is still sitting on the floor, the walls and door are still dirty with fingerprints, the floor is dirty. Even the inside of the trash can was nasty. I looked at him and said, "this is a great start, dear, but I think that perhaps my version of "Martha Stewart clean" and yours are quite different. I'm putting pictures of what he announced as "ready for company" vs what I have in mind (granted, our bathroom needs updating, but that's besides the point)
With the mood he was in, I really didn't know what to do, sexually, with him last night. I was worried that he was having one of those days where he was resenting his decision for a WLM. And I got the feeling that if I paid attention to his genitals at all, he would be inwardly rolling his eyes, wondering when that part is over. His sex drive has been really low over the years, and one of my goals with a WLM is to change that. But I'm not sure how - part of me expects immediate, and permanent, results, and I know better. He just wasn't in a good headspace last night, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells, because I want this trial to go well. So, I did nothing. Was that the right thing to do? Please - any suggestions here would be great. I want to get him to a point to where he's constantly CRAVING any sexual attention from me he can possible get - I want him hungry.
I think a lot of his mood, although he might try to argue, stems from our play the other night, when I turned him into "Christina." He gave me some feedback later that he enjoyed that a lot - so much that it scares him a little bit. He said it was odd, how comfortable he was dressed up like that - like it felt normal for him - and I think he's been asking himself "what does this mean for who I am?" I reminded him that he has a tendency to assume that just because he enjoyed something for a bit he often turns that into "this is my new life" and that he needs to be careful with that sort of thinking. I think that I, as a "Dom", also need to be careful. I'm hesitant to play like that often, because I don't want my sub hubby getting to a place to where he wants THAT to be the norm in our marriage, as opposed to being the "different". I prefer it to be the different!!! Maybe at some point I can incorporate entire days in which I dress him up and put him to work cleaning the house. :)
Actually, there's a LOT of things I'm considering. Locking up his cock
when we're apart, me having complete sexual freedom (either with him involved or not)(I am thinking the "right" term for this is "hotwife"?), switching (or, making him act as Top for My pleasure), CBT, bondage, Role playing, milking, orgasm denial, voyeurism (either he watching me with another or vice-versa even)...there's just so much my imagination keeps coming up with!
Sometimes I feel like I need to try it all "right now" before he gets scared and pulls the plug on the whole WLM thing, but I know that if we don't take it slow, none of it will come to be. No need to rush anything - another worry I have - if we talk to much about "everything that could be" he'll assume it all WILL be, and he'll back out of the WLM thing out of fear. Again - eggshells.
It's funny - I read a lot of blogs where submissive men are the ones walking on eggshells hoping they don't scare their reluctant dom wife away from the whole thing, and here I am, a wife who really wants this, married to a sub hubby who really wants this, but still I walk on eggshells, afraid I'm going to spook him.
I think that in reality, this is a period of exploration and learning for us both. "Easy does it" I have to keep telling myself, and him. We need to go slow, to acclimate. Let's get from where we are today to "the new norm" and then figure it out from there. So, today, we're going to start writing things down - not just his chores - but all my expectations. I suspect this will turn into a sort of "agreement" of sorts, that I will be happy to post here for feedback.
I'm rambling, I know - and I will do it again and again - so if you're following my blog be ready for that. LOL I'm looking for feedback - both from sub hubbies and Dom Wives - of course everybody has their opinions, and I won't be taking everybody's suggestions, but I've discovered a community full of people that have a lot to offer, and I appreciate each and every one of you.
<3
We're getting the house ready for an all-day "open house" party for our daughter the day before she leaves for the military. The only problem is, our house is embarrassingly dirty. We have a tendency to be very cluttered in general, but the last 2 months have been frantically busy and this place is TRASHED, and there's just no way I can let company in my house like this.
So one of the tasks I've assigned my sub hubby is to get the guest bathroom "Martha Stewart" clean by the end of the day on Friday. So last night, he goes into that bathroom for about 20 minutes, and comes out announcing "The bathroom is done." Yea right. I don't THINK so. That bathroom hasn't been deep cleaned in like a freakin year, there's no way he got it where it needs to be in 20 minutes. So I go and look - he wiped down the toilet and the sink, and emptied the trash. There's still clutter on the counter, on the shelf by the toilet where magazines have been piling up, a picture that fell off the wall is still sitting on the floor, the walls and door are still dirty with fingerprints, the floor is dirty. Even the inside of the trash can was nasty. I looked at him and said, "this is a great start, dear, but I think that perhaps my version of "Martha Stewart clean" and yours are quite different. I'm putting pictures of what he announced as "ready for company" vs what I have in mind (granted, our bathroom needs updating, but that's besides the point)
With the mood he was in, I really didn't know what to do, sexually, with him last night. I was worried that he was having one of those days where he was resenting his decision for a WLM. And I got the feeling that if I paid attention to his genitals at all, he would be inwardly rolling his eyes, wondering when that part is over. His sex drive has been really low over the years, and one of my goals with a WLM is to change that. But I'm not sure how - part of me expects immediate, and permanent, results, and I know better. He just wasn't in a good headspace last night, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells, because I want this trial to go well. So, I did nothing. Was that the right thing to do? Please - any suggestions here would be great. I want to get him to a point to where he's constantly CRAVING any sexual attention from me he can possible get - I want him hungry.
I think a lot of his mood, although he might try to argue, stems from our play the other night, when I turned him into "Christina." He gave me some feedback later that he enjoyed that a lot - so much that it scares him a little bit. He said it was odd, how comfortable he was dressed up like that - like it felt normal for him - and I think he's been asking himself "what does this mean for who I am?" I reminded him that he has a tendency to assume that just because he enjoyed something for a bit he often turns that into "this is my new life" and that he needs to be careful with that sort of thinking. I think that I, as a "Dom", also need to be careful. I'm hesitant to play like that often, because I don't want my sub hubby getting to a place to where he wants THAT to be the norm in our marriage, as opposed to being the "different". I prefer it to be the different!!! Maybe at some point I can incorporate entire days in which I dress him up and put him to work cleaning the house. :)
Actually, there's a LOT of things I'm considering. Locking up his cock
when we're apart, me having complete sexual freedom (either with him involved or not)(I am thinking the "right" term for this is "hotwife"?), switching (or, making him act as Top for My pleasure), CBT, bondage, Role playing, milking, orgasm denial, voyeurism (either he watching me with another or vice-versa even)...there's just so much my imagination keeps coming up with!
Sometimes I feel like I need to try it all "right now" before he gets scared and pulls the plug on the whole WLM thing, but I know that if we don't take it slow, none of it will come to be. No need to rush anything - another worry I have - if we talk to much about "everything that could be" he'll assume it all WILL be, and he'll back out of the WLM thing out of fear. Again - eggshells.
It's funny - I read a lot of blogs where submissive men are the ones walking on eggshells hoping they don't scare their reluctant dom wife away from the whole thing, and here I am, a wife who really wants this, married to a sub hubby who really wants this, but still I walk on eggshells, afraid I'm going to spook him.
I think that in reality, this is a period of exploration and learning for us both. "Easy does it" I have to keep telling myself, and him. We need to go slow, to acclimate. Let's get from where we are today to "the new norm" and then figure it out from there. So, today, we're going to start writing things down - not just his chores - but all my expectations. I suspect this will turn into a sort of "agreement" of sorts, that I will be happy to post here for feedback.
I'm rambling, I know - and I will do it again and again - so if you're following my blog be ready for that. LOL I'm looking for feedback - both from sub hubbies and Dom Wives - of course everybody has their opinions, and I won't be taking everybody's suggestions, but I've discovered a community full of people that have a lot to offer, and I appreciate each and every one of you.
<3
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Introducing Christina
WOW!!! Last night was a BLAST. As Plan A failed to materialize, Plan B sprang into action. Now, just so you guys don't think I'm "all that," Plan B was invented on the fly. LOL!!!
As Plan A failed, I instructed my hubby to go into the spare room and take down all the stuff I'd set up for us to play. As he was doing that, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do instead, when I glanced in our bedroom and noticed an old outfit that I'd set on the bed when I was going through our stuff. An outfit that I wore when we tried "this D/s stuff" before - back when he and I were both about 70 pounds heavier. I'd pulled that outfit out of our "toybox" and set it aside because I knew there was no way it was going to fit me anymore without looking ridiculous. And that's what it hit me. The size I was then, is exactly the size he is NOW. Enter the "ah-hah" moment.
So, I instructed hubby to do "the outside chores" first, because I had plans for him for afterwards when I close the windows and not worry about the neighbors. :) So, he cleaned off the back patio and put the stuff I'd put out there in the garage for safe keeping, and then came up to the bedroom to tell me he was done. I instructed him to undress.
Once he was naked, I grabbed the thong from the outfit, and helped him into it, like Mommy helps her little boy get dressed. Then, I put the top on him. The top has pre-shaped bra cups, so it immediately made him look like he had boobs. I swear, if I had a cock attached to MY body, it would have jumped up hard so fast I would have gotten a black eye. That was a surprise for me. LOL!!
So I stood him in front of the mirror, and asked him how he liked it, what he thought. He told me he thought it was pretty and sexy, and I agreed. He turned around to head downstairs to go do the rest of his chores, but I stopped him, and led him into the bathroom, sat him on the toilet, and told him I'd be right back.
I'm not a big makeup wearer - so it took me a little while to gather everything I needed, but soon I returned with foundation, mascara, blush, eye shadow, and lipstick. And I proceeded to do his makeup. He sat very dutifully, and tried hard to stay still, open his eyes wide, pucker up appropriately. I really enjoyed doing his makeup, but I did decide that if we do this a lot in the future, he's going to need to learn to do his own. After I'd finished, I took a step back, and then told my NEW sub, Christina, what a pretty girl she is.
I stood her in front of the full-length bathroom mirror, and watched her check herself out. The "I am pretty!" smile that came across her face reminded me of other times, when I've seen girls first look in the mirror after a makeover. It warmed my heart.
Downstairs we went, to the kitchen, where my little sub belonged. She had some tasks to take care of, not just the chores that had been assigned, but also some homemade beer needed brewing for an upcoming party. So it was perfect - she would be washing dishes, cleaning out the refrigerator, and slaving over a hot stove tonight. I told her to pour me a glass of wine and get started.
Wine in hand, I was able to look at my hubby a different way, and it was GOOD. See, I'm bi. I love the female body. I would love to have a submissive girl to pamper and adore. And my hubby, well, he looked pretty good, all things considered. So, as Christina stood at the kitchen sink, I decided, if this were my sub girl, I would take advantage of this situation, so why be any different just because my favorite cock is beneath that red lace? So I walked up behind Christina, and whispered in her ear, "you are so pretty, I just want to touch you and play with you and fuck the shit out of you." and I grabbed her hips and steadied, them, and then bent over over the kitchen sink, and started grinding my hips into her ass. "I love it when you do that," she sighed. I then took her hips in both my hands, and started pounding her from behind, telling her how badly I wanted to feel her pussy wrapped around my cock. I'm surprised she didn't cum right then and there.
In the hot kitchen, we both started to work up a sweat, so I walked away, and went to a cooler room, and told her to get back to her tasks. She asked me if she could have a glass of wine, and I told her she had to wait. I sat at my computer, and did some surfing, while she busied herself in the kitchen, but frequently she came to me seeking attention and affection. Happy to oblige, I'd play with her genitals, stroking her and getting her close to cumming, talking to her about all the things she loved to hear about, and then backing off when I could tell she was ready to explode, and send her back into the kitchen. We played that game for a while.
After a bit, I was so horny I could kill. So I told Christina that at her next "break" in the brewing process, she needed to come upstairs and service me. I went up, and layed in bed and read a magazine until she appeared. I continued to read my magazine while she serviced me. But then she started to get a little too into it, and I began to suspect she was enjoying it more than me, which just cannot be, so I stopped her, and sent her back down to the kitchen.
While she finished her job in the kitchen, I went downstairs and turned on the TV, and watched TV until it was time to go to bed. Christina joined me after a while, and it was nice having my new girl next to me on the couch, looking pretty in the lingerie and collar. Then, when it was time for bed, I removed her collar, and we retired for the night and discussed how each of us felt about this new experience, and we both decided we liked it, and will do it again sometime. Not quite yet, but it will happen again. :)
Success!!
As Plan A failed, I instructed my hubby to go into the spare room and take down all the stuff I'd set up for us to play. As he was doing that, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do instead, when I glanced in our bedroom and noticed an old outfit that I'd set on the bed when I was going through our stuff. An outfit that I wore when we tried "this D/s stuff" before - back when he and I were both about 70 pounds heavier. I'd pulled that outfit out of our "toybox" and set it aside because I knew there was no way it was going to fit me anymore without looking ridiculous. And that's what it hit me. The size I was then, is exactly the size he is NOW. Enter the "ah-hah" moment.
So, I instructed hubby to do "the outside chores" first, because I had plans for him for afterwards when I close the windows and not worry about the neighbors. :) So, he cleaned off the back patio and put the stuff I'd put out there in the garage for safe keeping, and then came up to the bedroom to tell me he was done. I instructed him to undress.
Once he was naked, I grabbed the thong from the outfit, and helped him into it, like Mommy helps her little boy get dressed. Then, I put the top on him. The top has pre-shaped bra cups, so it immediately made him look like he had boobs. I swear, if I had a cock attached to MY body, it would have jumped up hard so fast I would have gotten a black eye. That was a surprise for me. LOL!!
So I stood him in front of the mirror, and asked him how he liked it, what he thought. He told me he thought it was pretty and sexy, and I agreed. He turned around to head downstairs to go do the rest of his chores, but I stopped him, and led him into the bathroom, sat him on the toilet, and told him I'd be right back.
I'm not a big makeup wearer - so it took me a little while to gather everything I needed, but soon I returned with foundation, mascara, blush, eye shadow, and lipstick. And I proceeded to do his makeup. He sat very dutifully, and tried hard to stay still, open his eyes wide, pucker up appropriately. I really enjoyed doing his makeup, but I did decide that if we do this a lot in the future, he's going to need to learn to do his own. After I'd finished, I took a step back, and then told my NEW sub, Christina, what a pretty girl she is.
I stood her in front of the full-length bathroom mirror, and watched her check herself out. The "I am pretty!" smile that came across her face reminded me of other times, when I've seen girls first look in the mirror after a makeover. It warmed my heart.
Downstairs we went, to the kitchen, where my little sub belonged. She had some tasks to take care of, not just the chores that had been assigned, but also some homemade beer needed brewing for an upcoming party. So it was perfect - she would be washing dishes, cleaning out the refrigerator, and slaving over a hot stove tonight. I told her to pour me a glass of wine and get started.
Wine in hand, I was able to look at my hubby a different way, and it was GOOD. See, I'm bi. I love the female body. I would love to have a submissive girl to pamper and adore. And my hubby, well, he looked pretty good, all things considered. So, as Christina stood at the kitchen sink, I decided, if this were my sub girl, I would take advantage of this situation, so why be any different just because my favorite cock is beneath that red lace? So I walked up behind Christina, and whispered in her ear, "you are so pretty, I just want to touch you and play with you and fuck the shit out of you." and I grabbed her hips and steadied, them, and then bent over over the kitchen sink, and started grinding my hips into her ass. "I love it when you do that," she sighed. I then took her hips in both my hands, and started pounding her from behind, telling her how badly I wanted to feel her pussy wrapped around my cock. I'm surprised she didn't cum right then and there.
In the hot kitchen, we both started to work up a sweat, so I walked away, and went to a cooler room, and told her to get back to her tasks. She asked me if she could have a glass of wine, and I told her she had to wait. I sat at my computer, and did some surfing, while she busied herself in the kitchen, but frequently she came to me seeking attention and affection. Happy to oblige, I'd play with her genitals, stroking her and getting her close to cumming, talking to her about all the things she loved to hear about, and then backing off when I could tell she was ready to explode, and send her back into the kitchen. We played that game for a while.
After a bit, I was so horny I could kill. So I told Christina that at her next "break" in the brewing process, she needed to come upstairs and service me. I went up, and layed in bed and read a magazine until she appeared. I continued to read my magazine while she serviced me. But then she started to get a little too into it, and I began to suspect she was enjoying it more than me, which just cannot be, so I stopped her, and sent her back down to the kitchen.
While she finished her job in the kitchen, I went downstairs and turned on the TV, and watched TV until it was time to go to bed. Christina joined me after a while, and it was nice having my new girl next to me on the couch, looking pretty in the lingerie and collar. Then, when it was time for bed, I removed her collar, and we retired for the night and discussed how each of us felt about this new experience, and we both decided we liked it, and will do it again sometime. Not quite yet, but it will happen again. :)
Success!!
A side note
I'm relatively new to blogging, and to Blogger. I started this blog under my normal gmail account, that has my first & last name. I tried to create my profile & everything so that I was still "anonymous" but I'm afraid that if people I know go looking around too much, they will be able to follow my name to this blog. This is not okay with me - I mean there are SOME people that I'm okay with it, but, for example, my Mother In Law is not one of those people.
So - Is my blog really not attached to my real name & gmail account? I tried to find a way to associate it with another gmail account, but I can't seem to make that work right....
Any suggestions would be great.
<3
So - Is my blog really not attached to my real name & gmail account? I tried to find a way to associate it with another gmail account, but I can't seem to make that work right....
Any suggestions would be great.
<3
Monday, July 11, 2011
Uh oh... a child free night
Found out we're going to be alone tonight.... What's a girl to do? Oh wait. I remember... WHATEVER I WANT TO. :)
A good weekend
This weekend was good... NO, GREAT!
I enjoyed Saturday, especially leaving the driveway on my motorcycle for a day in the sun, and waving goodbye to my hubby as he was out in the front lawn, cutting the grass as instructed.
There was a twinge of guilt, and I expect I'll continue to have that from time to time, but having him looking all masculine, out there cutting the grass at my instructions, added to the vibration of my motorcycle... let's just say I was one Happy Wife. LOL!!
Sunday, he took care of the chores, and errand running, while I had "girls day out" with Mom and Daughter, having a nice lunch, and getting pedicures. Then, that night, he took me out for a very nice dinner, and a GREAT Sarah McLaughlin concert at Red Rocks. When we finally got home, we were both too tired for any play, but I did tell him that he definately earned a reward with all his "good behavior" this weekend, and told him to tell me what he would like as a reward. He told me he didn't know. I told him if he didn't pick something, he could be rewarded with a popsicle in his ass while getting a spanking. LOL He came up with a good reward pretty quick. He said he wants to go to Mon Chalet (http://www.mon-chalet.com). We both really enjoy visiting here, so I think I'll be planning that soon.
Now, we've got two BUSY weeks to get the house ready for a farewell party for our military-bound daughter. I will help, of course, but my dear hubby will be busy every day, every night with chores & projects so that I won't be embarrassed when our friends and family come to our house to celebrate my daughter's future. It will be a good test, I think, for our "trial period" for this WLM gig.
I think some play, some orgasm denial, of course with lots of edging, is in order for this next phase. Perhaps, if the party goes well, I'll allow him some release. I know that there are a lot of folks in FLRs that believe that a chaste hubby is a good hubby, but I don't know... I mean, I can see going for a week or so, maybe even 3 or 4, but see, I *like* seeing my hubby cum. I like how much he likes cumming inside me. It makes me feel hot & sexy. I like his (my) cock, and how it feels inside me. So, no... I don't think I'll be making him refrain THAT much. Plus, my hubby is bi, and I REALLY like MMF 3somes,
so, yea.... I see orgasms in his future - but, under MY orders, when I want, when I am ready. :)
Another thing I want to try, after our daughter leaves home, is to start having him cook dinner for me in the nude.
Of course, this won't work as well when he's grilling, but still. I ran the idea past him, and I think he got hard just thinking about it. I think that will be fun!
I am concerned, that I need to make sure that hubby always knows that I love and respect him, while we are finding our way through this WLM. I never want him to resent me, or feel like things aren't "fair" or like I see him as any less of a man than he is - I love and adore him, and I need to make sure that he always knows that, even when he's being submissive and subservient. How do you make that happen?
I enjoyed Saturday, especially leaving the driveway on my motorcycle for a day in the sun, and waving goodbye to my hubby as he was out in the front lawn, cutting the grass as instructed.
There was a twinge of guilt, and I expect I'll continue to have that from time to time, but having him looking all masculine, out there cutting the grass at my instructions, added to the vibration of my motorcycle... let's just say I was one Happy Wife. LOL!!Sunday, he took care of the chores, and errand running, while I had "girls day out" with Mom and Daughter, having a nice lunch, and getting pedicures. Then, that night, he took me out for a very nice dinner, and a GREAT Sarah McLaughlin concert at Red Rocks. When we finally got home, we were both too tired for any play, but I did tell him that he definately earned a reward with all his "good behavior" this weekend, and told him to tell me what he would like as a reward. He told me he didn't know. I told him if he didn't pick something, he could be rewarded with a popsicle in his ass while getting a spanking. LOL He came up with a good reward pretty quick. He said he wants to go to Mon Chalet (http://www.mon-chalet.com). We both really enjoy visiting here, so I think I'll be planning that soon.
Now, we've got two BUSY weeks to get the house ready for a farewell party for our military-bound daughter. I will help, of course, but my dear hubby will be busy every day, every night with chores & projects so that I won't be embarrassed when our friends and family come to our house to celebrate my daughter's future. It will be a good test, I think, for our "trial period" for this WLM gig.
I think some play, some orgasm denial, of course with lots of edging, is in order for this next phase. Perhaps, if the party goes well, I'll allow him some release. I know that there are a lot of folks in FLRs that believe that a chaste hubby is a good hubby, but I don't know... I mean, I can see going for a week or so, maybe even 3 or 4, but see, I *like* seeing my hubby cum. I like how much he likes cumming inside me. It makes me feel hot & sexy. I like his (my) cock, and how it feels inside me. So, no... I don't think I'll be making him refrain THAT much. Plus, my hubby is bi, and I REALLY like MMF 3somes,
so, yea.... I see orgasms in his future - but, under MY orders, when I want, when I am ready. :)Another thing I want to try, after our daughter leaves home, is to start having him cook dinner for me in the nude.
Of course, this won't work as well when he's grilling, but still. I ran the idea past him, and I think he got hard just thinking about it. I think that will be fun!I am concerned, that I need to make sure that hubby always knows that I love and respect him, while we are finding our way through this WLM. I never want him to resent me, or feel like things aren't "fair" or like I see him as any less of a man than he is - I love and adore him, and I need to make sure that he always knows that, even when he's being submissive and subservient. How do you make that happen?
Saturday, July 9, 2011
It was a good day!
Well, I tried it, and it seemed to have worked. We'll see if he continues to like this WLM thing after a week or so of this.
This morning, after our morning run and while I was getting ready to leave for the day to go motorcycle riding, I bossed him around and made him help me get ready. I had him pull my bike out of the garage, load my saddlebags, find my ipod, charge my camera, bring me my clothes from the dryer, bring me my boots, whatever I needed.
He told me last night he'd planned on taking his son to the museum today, and I just looked at him. Then he added, "Unless, of course, you have other plans for me." I told him I would leave him a list of things I needed him to do before he does anything else, but sure, after that, I think it would be a great idea.
So, I was compiling a list in my head that I was going to write down and hand to him as I was walking out the door. But, while I was taking my post-run ice bath, he popped his head in, and said, "I was thinking that I would get some things done this morning before I go to the museum." He then lists off everything that was in my mental list, except one item. I was disappointed, because I'd wanted to hand him this "to do list" and walk out the door with a smile on my face. But - I think I handled it pretty well. I said, "That all sounds good to me. I'd like that. But there's one other thing I'd like you to do as well. Pull the weeds that are growing out front making our lawn look like crap, okay?"
I was surprised. I expected a drop in his shoulders, the whole "Great. Something else I have to do, now." thing, and I didn't get it. It was VERY nice.
So, I left on my ride with my daughter, and didn't really bother much with the keeping in touch thing. Normally I would have texted him every stop, every chance I got. I texted him once to tell him we'd made it to the registration point in time to join the ride. Then I texted him once at the end to tell him we'd done it and were having lunch, then I sent him a text when we were headed home. Those are more about safety for me. I've always believed that somebody should know where you are, or at least which direction you're heading in, should you not wind up where you're going. :)
When I got home, he'd done all his "chores" plus some, and went to the museum. He'd also bought a bouquet of my favorite flowers, and washed my running clothes from that morning for me, knowing I'd forget and bitch about it tomorrow morning. He was very pleased with himself, and I was very pleased with him, and I told him so.
He's up in bed right now, probably trying to stay awake until I come to bed, hoping for...I don't know what. That's part of my problem. I don't really know what he wants, and he doesn't seem to know either, but I'm afraid that if I "do it wrong" then all this will go out the door again - and I am really, truly interested in this life that he's offered me. I want to do it right so he doesn't "run away" again.
Any advise or opinions are greatly encouraged (if I could get some followers, that is).
Gina
This morning, after our morning run and while I was getting ready to leave for the day to go motorcycle riding, I bossed him around and made him help me get ready. I had him pull my bike out of the garage, load my saddlebags, find my ipod, charge my camera, bring me my clothes from the dryer, bring me my boots, whatever I needed.
He told me last night he'd planned on taking his son to the museum today, and I just looked at him. Then he added, "Unless, of course, you have other plans for me." I told him I would leave him a list of things I needed him to do before he does anything else, but sure, after that, I think it would be a great idea.
So, I was compiling a list in my head that I was going to write down and hand to him as I was walking out the door. But, while I was taking my post-run ice bath, he popped his head in, and said, "I was thinking that I would get some things done this morning before I go to the museum." He then lists off everything that was in my mental list, except one item. I was disappointed, because I'd wanted to hand him this "to do list" and walk out the door with a smile on my face. But - I think I handled it pretty well. I said, "That all sounds good to me. I'd like that. But there's one other thing I'd like you to do as well. Pull the weeds that are growing out front making our lawn look like crap, okay?"
I was surprised. I expected a drop in his shoulders, the whole "Great. Something else I have to do, now." thing, and I didn't get it. It was VERY nice.
So, I left on my ride with my daughter, and didn't really bother much with the keeping in touch thing. Normally I would have texted him every stop, every chance I got. I texted him once to tell him we'd made it to the registration point in time to join the ride. Then I texted him once at the end to tell him we'd done it and were having lunch, then I sent him a text when we were headed home. Those are more about safety for me. I've always believed that somebody should know where you are, or at least which direction you're heading in, should you not wind up where you're going. :)
When I got home, he'd done all his "chores" plus some, and went to the museum. He'd also bought a bouquet of my favorite flowers, and washed my running clothes from that morning for me, knowing I'd forget and bitch about it tomorrow morning. He was very pleased with himself, and I was very pleased with him, and I told him so.
He's up in bed right now, probably trying to stay awake until I come to bed, hoping for...I don't know what. That's part of my problem. I don't really know what he wants, and he doesn't seem to know either, but I'm afraid that if I "do it wrong" then all this will go out the door again - and I am really, truly interested in this life that he's offered me. I want to do it right so he doesn't "run away" again.
Any advise or opinions are greatly encouraged (if I could get some followers, that is).
Gina
Friday, July 8, 2011
Third Time's a Charm?
Well, here we are again. I say this because this isn't the first time we've tried a Wife-led-marriage (WLM), or Dominance & submission (D/s), or whatever label you'd like to put on our past efforts.
I've been married to my Dear Husband for eight years now. Our marriage has just about always been naturally a WLM, without the label. If you were to ask either of us, or any of our family & friends, "who wears the pants in this marriage"... well... DUH. :)
So, the first time we dabbled in this area, it was mostly just fantasy & role playing. We bought some restraints, a paddle, etc. We had a good time, but I didn't seem to get much out of it. I'm not into pain myself, and I understand that he is, but it just seemed like an awful lot of work for me to do, and often times my "reward" was him cumming in about 2 seconds after we played a lot. So - that kind of fizzled out for me.
Later, we tried a D/s relationship sort of thing. Well, I'm not too sure how hard we "tried". Again - I did a lot of the work. He said, "I want to service you" and I said, "well, hell, OK!!" and then I did a TON of work... I researched a LOT, learned about rules, protocols, ways to be a Dom, what to expect from a sub, on and on... I spent countless hours developing protocols, expectations, reward & punishment systems, I documented it all, made him a binder, and even developed a situation where we could role play like he was in school, being trained on what his Mistress expected. Then, we had a death in the family, and we went on a trip to attend a funeral. We agreed that all that was "on hold" while we dealt with "real life", but when we got back, he'd decided he didn't want to do it. He was concerned that I wouldn't respect him later.
Now, our marriage has NEVER been conventional, not really. We are both freaks by nature, and as such, we've both had lots of relationship problems - both in past relationships, and in OUR relationship. It's taken 10 years for us to figure each other out, figure ourselves out, and learn to trust each other, and our relationship.
We've tried diving in to other "non-conventional" marriage arrangements as well. An open marriage, a poly-theme, before we just decided to stop trying to make things exciting, and just "be" for a while. That was probably about a year ago.
Since then, our lives have been "happy enough." We are very much in love, of that there is no doubt. We both know that, even after all this time, we still want to grow old together. But - one of our old problems came back - nearly NO sex drive. It's not that we're not interested in sex - we're both pretty... um... sexually-oriented I guess is a good way of putting it. We're both always thinking about sex - but sex with each other... well, maybe if there's time and I'm not too tired and he's feeling in the mood and if there's nothing good on TV and no kids in the house and we don't have to get up early in the morning, yada yada yada. Almost like it's a chore for us both.
Meanwhile, we're both sporting secrets. Not cheating, but him secretly looking at porn, while telling me he just "has no drive", and me constantly fantasizing about sex, and masturbating week after week instead of coming to him for release.
Now, our lives are about to change. We are about to become empty nesters, and the one thing that keeps popping into both our minds is, "Now there's nothing stopping us" and we've started to become more sexually active.
The other day, I said something to him, that I think changed everything. He doesn't think it triggered our 3rd attempt - but I think he's wrong. I said to him, while we were (finally) fooling around, "I'll tell you what. I'm giving myself over to you sexually. Don't feel like you have to ask, please. Not anymore. We should be past that. If you are interested, don't even ask, just start. I won't turn you down. I miss making love to you, and I don't want you to feel like you have to wait for me. Just touch me. Whenever you want." (or something like that). The sex was great that night. And the next day, he tried it out, and guess what? Wow we had sex 2 days in a row. WTF??? LOL I started thinking "wouldn't it be fun to get back into the D/s stuff?" Things were SO charged up when we were doing that - we both felt very alive & aware back then. I think I might have mentioned it to him - yes, I think I said something about how I'd like to be tied up and teased all day long.
Then he took me by surprise, and said to me the other day, "I have been doing a lot of thinking, and researching, and I really would like for us to enter into a Wife-Led-Marriage. I want to serve you, to worship you, and treat you like the Goddess you are."
Well, How Do You Do.
Okay, so here we are. There were a few things I didn't like the last time around, like all the work that was involved. So I'm not going to do all that work. I have enough shit to take care of, why should I have to write it all out, and organize it all! Yes, if we really do this, I have a responsibility to be consistent, to keep it interesting, to be a good Leader, but I don't want it to be a chore. I also don't want him to feel mistreated, undervalued, unrespected, taken for granted, or any of that, either.
So - I refuse to just jump in blind like I feel we did before, and this time, I think we need to ease in a bit. One thing we discussed is that I need to be able to give up control from time to time. We agreed that perhaps me "requiring" him to dominate me for short periods of time here and there is the way to go. That sounds right to me. I also want to ease in with the "protocols". I think we both need clear-cut "rules" to understand what's expected of each of us, but honestly - it's a lot of work. So I want to go in slowly.
I'm starting this blog to help me keep my thoughts sorted out, and to get input from others. I want to be a loving Wife, not a dictator. I understand that what I want goes, and that I have decision making power, and I make the rules, but I don't want to change the fact that I'm married to my best friend who I love and adore very very much. His ex-wife is a real bitch. She's always belitting him, pointing out his faults, teasing him about what a loser she sees him as, etc. I can see why they got married, with his naturally submissive nature and her overbearing nature, but he grew to hate her and resent her - I fear that happening to us... I can't let that happen to us.
He is my everything.
Today he started out with our old stuff, calling me "Ma'am" when I told him I wanted to do something. "Yes, Ma'am" he'd say. I told him to stop. I don't want to be seen as an authority figure like that - I don't want our life together to be Role Play. I want him to feel loved and cherished, as well as Me. So I asked him to find another "pet name" to call me, one that can be used in public, or in private, that communicates to ME his submission, but shows Love to anybody on the outside looking in.
I'm looking forward to getting started with the Orgasm denial. Of all the things we did in the past, that was the funnest. To tease him until he was squirming with anticipation and desire, and then to leave him hanging, "Not now, my dear" - I LOVE THAT.
I told him today that I'm considering a 90-day denial, to give us a "trial period" to get used to the new way of things. Give him a chance to get a feel for sure, if he can actually do this without resentment, and give me a chance to get into the habit of not feeling guilty when he does things for me, or when the sexual focus is totally on me, etc.
So... here we go. :)
I've been married to my Dear Husband for eight years now. Our marriage has just about always been naturally a WLM, without the label. If you were to ask either of us, or any of our family & friends, "who wears the pants in this marriage"... well... DUH. :)
So, the first time we dabbled in this area, it was mostly just fantasy & role playing. We bought some restraints, a paddle, etc. We had a good time, but I didn't seem to get much out of it. I'm not into pain myself, and I understand that he is, but it just seemed like an awful lot of work for me to do, and often times my "reward" was him cumming in about 2 seconds after we played a lot. So - that kind of fizzled out for me.
Later, we tried a D/s relationship sort of thing. Well, I'm not too sure how hard we "tried". Again - I did a lot of the work. He said, "I want to service you" and I said, "well, hell, OK!!" and then I did a TON of work... I researched a LOT, learned about rules, protocols, ways to be a Dom, what to expect from a sub, on and on... I spent countless hours developing protocols, expectations, reward & punishment systems, I documented it all, made him a binder, and even developed a situation where we could role play like he was in school, being trained on what his Mistress expected. Then, we had a death in the family, and we went on a trip to attend a funeral. We agreed that all that was "on hold" while we dealt with "real life", but when we got back, he'd decided he didn't want to do it. He was concerned that I wouldn't respect him later.
Now, our marriage has NEVER been conventional, not really. We are both freaks by nature, and as such, we've both had lots of relationship problems - both in past relationships, and in OUR relationship. It's taken 10 years for us to figure each other out, figure ourselves out, and learn to trust each other, and our relationship.
We've tried diving in to other "non-conventional" marriage arrangements as well. An open marriage, a poly-theme, before we just decided to stop trying to make things exciting, and just "be" for a while. That was probably about a year ago.
Since then, our lives have been "happy enough." We are very much in love, of that there is no doubt. We both know that, even after all this time, we still want to grow old together. But - one of our old problems came back - nearly NO sex drive. It's not that we're not interested in sex - we're both pretty... um... sexually-oriented I guess is a good way of putting it. We're both always thinking about sex - but sex with each other... well, maybe if there's time and I'm not too tired and he's feeling in the mood and if there's nothing good on TV and no kids in the house and we don't have to get up early in the morning, yada yada yada. Almost like it's a chore for us both.
Meanwhile, we're both sporting secrets. Not cheating, but him secretly looking at porn, while telling me he just "has no drive", and me constantly fantasizing about sex, and masturbating week after week instead of coming to him for release.
Now, our lives are about to change. We are about to become empty nesters, and the one thing that keeps popping into both our minds is, "Now there's nothing stopping us" and we've started to become more sexually active.
The other day, I said something to him, that I think changed everything. He doesn't think it triggered our 3rd attempt - but I think he's wrong. I said to him, while we were (finally) fooling around, "I'll tell you what. I'm giving myself over to you sexually. Don't feel like you have to ask, please. Not anymore. We should be past that. If you are interested, don't even ask, just start. I won't turn you down. I miss making love to you, and I don't want you to feel like you have to wait for me. Just touch me. Whenever you want." (or something like that). The sex was great that night. And the next day, he tried it out, and guess what? Wow we had sex 2 days in a row. WTF??? LOL I started thinking "wouldn't it be fun to get back into the D/s stuff?" Things were SO charged up when we were doing that - we both felt very alive & aware back then. I think I might have mentioned it to him - yes, I think I said something about how I'd like to be tied up and teased all day long.
Then he took me by surprise, and said to me the other day, "I have been doing a lot of thinking, and researching, and I really would like for us to enter into a Wife-Led-Marriage. I want to serve you, to worship you, and treat you like the Goddess you are."
Well, How Do You Do.
Okay, so here we are. There were a few things I didn't like the last time around, like all the work that was involved. So I'm not going to do all that work. I have enough shit to take care of, why should I have to write it all out, and organize it all! Yes, if we really do this, I have a responsibility to be consistent, to keep it interesting, to be a good Leader, but I don't want it to be a chore. I also don't want him to feel mistreated, undervalued, unrespected, taken for granted, or any of that, either.
So - I refuse to just jump in blind like I feel we did before, and this time, I think we need to ease in a bit. One thing we discussed is that I need to be able to give up control from time to time. We agreed that perhaps me "requiring" him to dominate me for short periods of time here and there is the way to go. That sounds right to me. I also want to ease in with the "protocols". I think we both need clear-cut "rules" to understand what's expected of each of us, but honestly - it's a lot of work. So I want to go in slowly.
I'm starting this blog to help me keep my thoughts sorted out, and to get input from others. I want to be a loving Wife, not a dictator. I understand that what I want goes, and that I have decision making power, and I make the rules, but I don't want to change the fact that I'm married to my best friend who I love and adore very very much. His ex-wife is a real bitch. She's always belitting him, pointing out his faults, teasing him about what a loser she sees him as, etc. I can see why they got married, with his naturally submissive nature and her overbearing nature, but he grew to hate her and resent her - I fear that happening to us... I can't let that happen to us.
He is my everything.
Today he started out with our old stuff, calling me "Ma'am" when I told him I wanted to do something. "Yes, Ma'am" he'd say. I told him to stop. I don't want to be seen as an authority figure like that - I don't want our life together to be Role Play. I want him to feel loved and cherished, as well as Me. So I asked him to find another "pet name" to call me, one that can be used in public, or in private, that communicates to ME his submission, but shows Love to anybody on the outside looking in.
I'm looking forward to getting started with the Orgasm denial. Of all the things we did in the past, that was the funnest. To tease him until he was squirming with anticipation and desire, and then to leave him hanging, "Not now, my dear" - I LOVE THAT.
I told him today that I'm considering a 90-day denial, to give us a "trial period" to get used to the new way of things. Give him a chance to get a feel for sure, if he can actually do this without resentment, and give me a chance to get into the habit of not feeling guilty when he does things for me, or when the sexual focus is totally on me, etc.
So... here we go. :)
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