Yesterday felt like an "off" day. It was one of those days where I wonder if this WLM thing is really what he wants. My sub hubby was grumpy, likely from lack of sleep and from his work, and I could tell he really didn't want to be doing his chores & other things I'd asked of him. But he did it.
We're getting the house ready for an all-day "open house" party for our daughter the day before she leaves for the military. The only problem is, our house is embarrassingly dirty. We have a tendency to be very cluttered in general, but the last 2 months have been frantically busy and this place is TRASHED, and there's just no way I can let company in my house like this.
So one of the tasks I've assigned my sub hubby is to get the guest bathroom "Martha Stewart" clean by the end of the day on Friday. So last night, he goes into that bathroom for about 20 minutes, and comes out announcing "The bathroom is done." Yea right. I don't THINK so. That bathroom hasn't been deep cleaned in like a freakin year, there's no way he got it where it needs to be in 20 minutes. So I go and look - he wiped down the toilet and the sink, and emptied the trash. There's still clutter on the counter, on the shelf by the toilet where magazines have been piling up, a picture that fell off the wall is still sitting on the floor, the walls and door are still dirty with fingerprints, the floor is dirty. Even the inside of the trash can was nasty. I looked at him and said, "this is a great start, dear, but I think that perhaps my version of "Martha Stewart clean" and yours are quite different. I'm putting pictures of what he announced as "ready for company" vs what I have in mind (granted, our bathroom needs updating, but that's besides the point)
With the mood he was in, I really didn't know what to do, sexually, with him last night. I was worried that he was having one of those days where he was resenting his decision for a WLM. And I got the feeling that if I paid attention to his genitals at all, he would be inwardly rolling his eyes, wondering when that part is over. His sex drive has been really low over the years, and one of my goals with a WLM is to change that. But I'm not sure how - part of me expects immediate, and permanent, results, and I know better. He just wasn't in a good headspace last night, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells, because I want this trial to go well. So, I did nothing. Was that the right thing to do? Please - any suggestions here would be great. I want to get him to a point to where he's constantly CRAVING any sexual attention from me he can possible get - I want him hungry.
I think a lot of his mood, although he might try to argue, stems from our play the other night, when I turned him into "Christina." He gave me some feedback later that he enjoyed that a lot - so much that it scares him a little bit. He said it was odd, how comfortable he was dressed up like that - like it felt normal for him - and I think he's been asking himself "what does this mean for who I am?" I reminded him that he has a tendency to assume that just because he enjoyed something for a bit he often turns that into "this is my new life" and that he needs to be careful with that sort of thinking. I think that I, as a "Dom", also need to be careful. I'm hesitant to play like that often, because I don't want my sub hubby getting to a place to where he wants THAT to be the norm in our marriage, as opposed to being the "different". I prefer it to be the different!!! Maybe at some point I can incorporate entire days in which I dress him up and put him to work cleaning the house. :)
Actually, there's a LOT of things I'm considering. Locking up his cock
when we're apart, me having complete sexual freedom (either with him involved or not)(I am thinking the "right" term for this is "hotwife"?), switching (or, making him act as Top for My pleasure), CBT, bondage, Role playing, milking, orgasm denial, voyeurism (either he watching me with another or vice-versa even)...there's just so much my imagination keeps coming up with!
Sometimes I feel like I need to try it all "right now" before he gets scared and pulls the plug on the whole WLM thing, but I know that if we don't take it slow, none of it will come to be. No need to rush anything - another worry I have - if we talk to much about "everything that could be" he'll assume it all WILL be, and he'll back out of the WLM thing out of fear. Again - eggshells.
It's funny - I read a lot of blogs where submissive men are the ones walking on eggshells hoping they don't scare their reluctant dom wife away from the whole thing, and here I am, a wife who really wants this, married to a sub hubby who really wants this, but still I walk on eggshells, afraid I'm going to spook him.
I think that in reality, this is a period of exploration and learning for us both. "Easy does it" I have to keep telling myself, and him. We need to go slow, to acclimate. Let's get from where we are today to "the new norm" and then figure it out from there. So, today, we're going to start writing things down - not just his chores - but all my expectations. I suspect this will turn into a sort of "agreement" of sorts, that I will be happy to post here for feedback.
I'm rambling, I know - and I will do it again and again - so if you're following my blog be ready for that. LOL I'm looking for feedback - both from sub hubbies and Dom Wives - of course everybody has their opinions, and I won't be taking everybody's suggestions, but I've discovered a community full of people that have a lot to offer, and I appreciate each and every one of you.